..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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