I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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