A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
