We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
