i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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