Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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