Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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