What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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