K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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