sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
