remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
