Plan B is the new Plan A
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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