even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
