How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
