i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
