mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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