My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
