He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
