after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
