1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
