God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
