I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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