I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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