Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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