Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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