Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
