Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
