My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
