She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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