Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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