butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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