i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
