peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I want a musical about memes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
