I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
