I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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