I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
