I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
