I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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