How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
