I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
