Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
