Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
