i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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