quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
