and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
