this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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