Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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