Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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