Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
