If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
