Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
